Many years ago, I hold grudges against some colleagues. Anger arose and my inner voice and thought process would justify this negative emotion. As there was no pressure valve release while on the job, it translated into a highly stressed person, irritability during and after work, disturbed sleeps with panic attacks on some nights.
The inner commentator in me would go through the incidents over and over again that caused this heart-ache. “I am right to be angry.” “He did me wrong.” I dwelled in the Past that it disturbed the Present. I planned the Future, to get back at him. Time was wasted going through this cycle.
The real issue lies with me. It is “I” who got hurt. It is “I” that I must protect. The ego of “I” affects the harmony to live with peace in my heart. After the unpleasant event, I still continue to hurt myself through arising my anger.
So how do I cope skillfully? Three simple words “Let It Go”. Let the problem go! Do not get entangled with it. Let the ego of “I” go too. There is no right or wrong. No “I am right”, no “he is wrong”. It is just the way it is with living this life. So long as we live, there will be frictions between individuals.
If I let go of the past and not planning for the future, I live in the present moment. Make the best of the present moment. Be present with yourself in the activities facing you. Focus on the present activity and not let the mind wanders off. Be present with the person in front of you. They will appreciate your connection with them.
If I can go one step further, not to habour ill-will against the one that supposedly hurt me, that will be a plus. It is hard to love your adversary, but I can forgive his action. It could be that the other party had no intention to hurt but I perceived that he did it out of spiteful intention. Regardless what was the motivation, it is not important as it is now in the past.
I am still not good at letting go. But it has improved. I still get annoyed with road bullies, queue jumpers and inconsiderate people. But that annoyance dissipates after a while. I am less uptight and can cope better living in the present moment. Let it Go!