I attended a talk by Ajahn Brahm last night. Ajahn Brahm is the author of the hugely successful book titled “Opening the door of your heart”. This talk was on “Fixing troubled relationships”.
I list some ideas I remembered from this talk.
1. After a marriage and when troubled relationship surfaced, remember that “it is not about me, it not about you, IT IS ABOUT US”. It takes two for a relationship and takes two to solve problems together.
2. With our fault-finding mind, we tend to focus on the faults of your partner. We neglect the many good qualities of your partner. We aim for perfections and this is not achievable and sustainable. Even in a beautiful natural forest, trees slant in different directions and forested area has branches and leaves falling all over the place. Remember that you and your partner had been good to each other many times over than the occasional faults and problems that surfaced.
3. If a problem existed in a relationship, have the courage to admit the fault and ask sincerely for forgiveness. Promise your partner wholeheartedly that you will not repeat the same fault if you intend to save the marriage.
4. Consider on every anniversary date of your marriage to reaffirm your vow of matrimony and to ask for forgiveness of any fault committed in the course of one year. You can do this in a sacred place to give it serious formality.
5. Between partners, one must be truthful. Honesty is important in a relationship. Be willing to listen to truth even though the truth hurts. If not, truthful discourse in the future will die. Provide amnesty for truth so that your partner can continue to be truthful towards you.
6. Respect your partner in private, in public and in thought. Respect comes in forms of body, speech and mind action. Respect means so much to a person and built a lasting relationship.
7. One must be able to accept praise from your partner graciously. Do not be shy to accept praise when this is sincerely given. One must also be willing to offer praise spontaneously.
8. Rekindle the magic of togetherness, the very reason why partners were married to each other in the first place. Remember the good times together and keep the relationship fresh despite growing old together.
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