I am home alone now. I only have myself for company. For one week in late October, I kept to myself without my family members. They were away in Tokyo on a business trip. My contact with another person was kept to the minimum. I remember some years back in the 80’s, I was alone in a big apartment in Brunei Darussalam after work. This lasted for nine months. Same feelings of being alone surfaced last month.
The sound of silence was calming. The sound of nature was felt more keenly. Now with the rain, thunder broke the silence once in the while. On a good day, I could hear the birds. I could “hear and read” my thoughts. These thoughts came on fast and disappeared as soon as I was aware. They were what I was concerned with at that time and interspersed with random thoughts. As I slowed down without the hurry, thoughts slowed down too. Retreating from the busyness of everyday life allows us to be with ourselves, to know one’s true self.
I was more careful when alone. I made sure I was safe without any nasty fall. Was I scared at night? Not really. Now, I understand one aspect of how singles live alone and the fear of falling seriously sick or have an accident at home.
During the one week of being alone, I was only accountable to myself. This was very different from being a family person. When I am with my family, my agenda cannot be just for oneself only. So it is refreshing to be alone and I can sort out things that are personal and to know oneself.